2017: Guide

So this post is 10 days late, but the past few years I've been thinking about a "word of the year" as I contemplate the new year before me.

2015 was the year of Brave... which is when I first began contemplating my move to Hungary and when I first started applying to TeachBeyond, ICSB, and beginning my support raising.

2016 was the year of Presence... when I focused on spending more time in the Lord's presence, and engaging more with people and less with technology. I also thought about how to live in the present as I wrapped up my 4th grade teaching job and transitioned my life to Hungary.

And 2017?

Guide.

Several years ago, my mom took me to an exhibit called the Láthatatlan Kiállítás (Invisible Exhibit). In this "interactive journey," you are led through a series of pitch black rooms set up as various scenes of every day life: a street scene, a home, a workplace. In each room you must rely only on your other four senses and the visually impaired guide that talks you through each scene.

I have always been afraid of the dark, and the idea of walking through mysterious rooms of unknown perils in the blackness was not my idea of fun. I remember how eagerly I listened to the voice of our guide as I clung to the wall and random objects in my path. I had to trust the voice I could only hear, but not see.

I had all but forgotten about this experience, until I saw some posters in the metro for this exhibit. As I have been spending time memorizing scripture (Psalm 25) and studying attributes of God, I was reminded of those moments of fear and uncertainty in the darkness, and this idea of God being my guide resurfaced.

It was also around this time that I was beginning to think about next year. It's times of transition that I cling to God as "guide," but times when I think I have things under control that I let go of Him and go off on my own. I forget to trust Him because I don't feel like I need to. And that's a dangerous place to be.

As I think about the year 2017, there isn't a specific or obvious decision I'm facing that would mandate "GUIDE" as the word of the year. I'm not reconsidering my job, or moving across the world, or any other wild transitions. It was for this reason that I was ready to chuck the word "guide" aside and begin the search for another more "relevant" word.

But the more I memorized of Psalm 25, and the more I thought about the concept of "guide," it impressed itself ever deeper in my heart.

Make me to know your paths, Oh Lord, teach me your ways. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

If I'm waiting for the Lord all the day long, then it doesn't matter if I feel like I need Him or not. I go to Him because I need to be with Him. (Thank you 2016 and Presence).

Later I was reading in Exodus about the Israelites being led by the pillar of fire and the pillar of smoke (Num. 5:17-23). I was reminded of the gift of Presence that the Israelites had. The Lord was in their midst. They knew where/when to go because He was with them.

Must be nice to have God's leading be so clear, were my discontent thoughts, Of course I could be obedient and follow Him if all I had to do was use my eyes and see that He wanted me to move, or see that He wanted me to stay.

But the truth came later: To be led by Him I must be in His presence. I must take time to be still and wait for Him all the day long.

It was New Year's Eve and my family was braving the cold as we traipsed through the festive streets of Budapest to the tune of loud noisemakers and people singing "Auld Lang Syne." We slid into the sea-foam green seats of our movie theater-turned church, and the worship band began to play.

And the words of this Hungarian worship song cut my discontent, Israelite-heart to the core:

Csontjaimba zárt olthatalan láng jelenléted,
Forró mint a tűz, erős mint a sír a szerelmed.

Locked in my bones is the unquenchable flame of your presence
Hot like fire, strong like the grave is your love.

The Israelites had the flame and the cloud go before them.
But I have the Spirit living inside me. The unquenchable flame of His presence is INSIDE me. The Guide lives inside me. 

John 16:13: "When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come."

And so my question of the year is: What would it look like if I started each day acknowledging the Holy Spirit, the Guide who lives inside me, seeking His will and guidance for my day?

I pray that I would seek His presence daily so that I may know His guidance, and bravely follow wherever He may lead.