Middle School

Middle school. Junior high.

Awkwardness. Changing friends. Changing everything. Braces. Smells. School dances. Drama. Lockers. Notes. Texting. Crisis.

These years are some of the toughest for most people. Everyone has an awkward story to tell... a story of feeling left out, stupid, or ugly.

My middle school years were not as traumatizing as they were for most people. I had a solid group of friends, supportive parents, and a strong support system. Middle school was uncomfortable, yes, but horrific, no.


I vividly remember 6th grade. I remember the crisis of a no-name paper, of misbehaving for a substitute, and the chaos of 6th grade camp. I remember learning about Charlemagne, dangling modifiers, and how to fiddle. 

6th grade doesn't seem so long ago... and I will be teaching it starting in January. I don't feel like I have any additional knowledge to give these kids. I see so much of myself in them: the uncertainty, the questioning, the possibilities, but also the frustration and the boredom of day after day of meaningless school not tied to real life.

I have always thought of myself as a 2nd grade teacher. I love the age where students can think for themselves, wipe their own noses, and put on their own snow pants, while still being quick to trust and give their love.

The past few weeks, however, I have been spending some time in the middle school classroom. After spending weeks in 6th grade, 7th grade seems so much less intimidating than I once thought it to be. In fact, I love it.

When I originally added my middle school endorsement to my major I was doing it primarily for selfish reasons. I thought it would look good and give me valuable experience. However, in the process of fulfilling the requirements, I have completely fallen in love with teaching middle schoolers.

Most people shudder at the thought; I used to. But more and more I'm realizing, they are amazing people. Not the people they will become... but who they are right now. I love that they are still kids, but they're beginning to discover who they are. They love humor and they make me laugh every day. Their compassion, goals, and excitement motivate me as I get to engage with them throughout my lessons.

They don't give their trust so easily; they don't respect automatically.

But if their trust is won, if their respect is won... they will listen. They will love.

Today my teacher's heart soared when I heard 7th graders deep in discussion about similes, arguing about metaphors, and making up their own to talk about their experiences.

Learning to Treasure

Those moments when your heart becomes too full for words. When all you can do is sit still and treasure. Because squealing, laughing, crying, and hugging aren't enough.

My last month has been full of moments like these. It is in the moments of pure treasuring that I find it impossible to write. Impossible to express anything of what I'm feeling. I always wondered what Luke meant when he said "but Mary treasured all these things in her heart" (Lk. 2:51). I can't pretend to understand what it meant to experience what she did. But I am beginning to understand what it means to treasure things in my heart.

It's being overwhelmed by grace from my parents who have showered me with blessings even though I've struggled to express true thanks. Neverending support, laughter, open arms. And a car of my own.

It's the quiet mornings in my light blue-gray car... praying for my students as I make my way to school each week.

It's the excitement of sixth graders when they see me walk in the room... asking when I'll be there to teach them for longer than one lesson.

It's the moments of surprise. When I realize that I love something I didn't know I could ever love. Like middle school.

It's the excited phone call of my best friend shouting to tell me she got the job she thought she had no chance to get... the job she wants to do for years to come.

It's the moment of running down the hall to be reunited with her after six months apart... of living in totally different worlds.

It's in the colorful playfulness of cupcakes for a bridal shower... for the first of my friends.

It's raking leaves, pumpkin spice lattes, going on long autumn walks through sunlit paths, and line dancing in a circular barn... laughing, always laughing.

It's the celebration of the end of a grueling eight weeks of classes, and realizing that we made it through. That the projects that kept us up at night are now over, graded, and rewarded.

It's the light at the end of the tunnel of years upon years of education... and realizing that I may not know nearly close to everything, but I know more than when I started. 

It's the wisdom of roommates who encourage, pray, and serve with willing hearts. Preparing for our last Homecoming... trying on dresses, scarves, and collapsing in laughter.

It's the freedom of driving down an open stretch of road at night... hitting the green lights every time... and realizing the grace. the joy. the freedom. of a new relationship founded on friendship. on laughter. on the Lord.

It's the joy of cultures bonded together because of a desire to understand and learn from each other.

It's in a Saturday completely devoid of homework and full of rest, friendship, delicious smells, powerful art, and favorite foods.

It's a dazzling sunset, the echo of ducks quacking on the canal, sandals in November, and a swan flapping its wings against the purple/orange/pink/blue/red sky.

It's in realizing how much we've grown, how much we've changed, and yet how faithful our God is.

It's relishing grace. Relishing the beauty of each day. Awaiting each day eagerly as a gift and celebrating whatever today holds... despite the uncertainty. Knowing that my God gives good gifts. So even though the gift is uncertain, it is still good.