A New Direction

As many of you know, my life will be drastically changing this next year.

This fall I will be moving to Hungary to teach at the International Christian School of Budapest.

The International Christian School of Budapest (ICSB) is a school dedicated to teaching children of missionaries, specifically, but also many international students and local Hungarians. I did my student teaching at ICSB in the spring of 2013, and I definitely left a large part of my heart there.

I am so excited to be going back! I am heading back as a full time missionary with Teach Beyond, a missions organization dedicated to placing teachers in schools around the world, and transforming lives through the power of education and the Gospel.

As you may have noticed, I have given this blog a makeover as I start on this new journey. I was originally planning on starting a new blog altogether, perhaps using a different site. But as I was thinking about it, I realized that I love the idea of keeping the same blog I've had for years. I love being able to peruse old posts, and see moments of learning, moments of growth even five years ago.

I've always had a hard time with accepting "younger" or more "foolish" versions of myself. I remember in high school, my brother and I would pull out old art work from elementary school and cackle at it until my mom would stow it protectively back in the attic. She always told us to accept who we were, and to celebrate who we had become.

This lesson is finally hitting home. Instead of hiding blog posts from my early blogging days, I love the cohesive story they tell.
They tell the story of an almost adult, eager to be used by the Lord, struggling, and slowly emerging out of the cocoon of college... rich in experiences of culture and language.
They tell the story of a wanderer, a Third Culture Kid, longingly searching for home.
They tell the story of a teacher, wrestling with the difficulties in students' lives, the burdens of teaching, yet the joy of learning.

I love seeing how the Lord has clearly been faithful in my life up until this point, knowing He will continue to be faithful in the future. I see the way He weaves my story, ultimately preparing me for this next step.

So I'm not creating a new blog. And I'm not deleting the old posts. I want to embrace the continuous story this blog tells.

I did, however, reconsider the title and description a bit...

A while back I wrote about why I didn't like the title of this blog. You can read that post here. When I first chose to title my blog after Psalm 46:10, I was thinking about the peace of God, and about the joy and comfort there is in His presence. But I also overlooked the second half of the verse that addressed the Lord's heart for the nations. "I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

My focus for this blog is going to be on the peace that comes from the Lord as I prepare to obediently exalt His name among the nations of students at ICSB!

I am so excited to revamp this blog and to have you continue to follow my journey!

In the Fog

There is something mysterious and unnerving about fog. As I was driving home through a thick blanket of gray, I squinted into the distance. Familiar landmarks were there, but I couldn't see them. It felt like I was completely alone, isolated in a cloud of mist. My comfort came from the fact that I was driving on a familiar road. I knew exactly where the stop signs were, where the road turned suddenly, and where there are frequent deer. Even though I couldn't see clearly, I knew the way, and I knew what I could trust.

As I passed the last stop sign before turning toward home, I squinted through the fog and was suddenly thankful. I was thankful for the fog. I reflected on the fact that sometimes it's good to just focus on what's directly in front of me... and not on the houses and cars, and people and trees and fields and all the other things that distract me as I drive. In the fog I turn off the radio, I zero in on the road. And I let my trust take me where I need to go. I trust the road is still beneath me, even though I can't see it. I trust the trees have not moved. I trust the road still turns at just the same places. And I trust the stop signs and intersections are still there. What makes it scary is that I cannot know about the other cars. The pedestrians. The people who venture out in the fog, and surprise me by their seemingly sudden presence.

I am realizing in this season, that there is joy in the fog. To be surrounded and enveloped by a blanket of unknowns, yet knowing that my Lord is still the same, and He does not change. He is the road firm beneath me; He is the one who illumines my way. He reveals what is ahead at just the right time. I can trust Him.

The fog helps me focus on what I know to be true, and to let go of the details that leave me distracted and apathetic to the important things.

Thanking the Lord today for His constant presence, even in the fog.

Presence

I am easily distracted. In fact, in one such easily distracted moment, I was perusing Facebook and came across an article that chronicled the unfortunate misstep of a distracted person. Literally. A young man was so distracted by his phone that he walked off a literal cliff to his death. At first I was amused, and then deeply saddened by yet another life thrown away because of distractions (not to mention countless other accidents at the hands of electronic devices). As I read the comments, I saw hundreds of people berating the individual, as well as a generation, as well as a culture, and an entire lifestyle. And I was nodding in agreement... until I realized I, too, am that person. I just don't frequent cliffsides.

I am distracted. I am distracted from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep. I am checking and rechecking, trying to stay current with the latest memes, or the latest music, or perhaps news events. I am watching yet another cat video, cute child, or foolish teenager. I am checking the past on timehop, food and travel on instagram, the social lives of my peers on facebook. Even as I wait in line at the grocery store, I'm checking and rechecking. I'm waiting for a friend. Checking. I'm in an awkward social situation. Rechecking. I'm sitting by myself at a fastfood restaurant on my way from here to there. Checking.

And it's not just my phone that distracts me. It's everything. It's the radio. It's a book. A movie, perhaps. Or Netflix. It's grading papers. It's how much I have to do. Or it's how much I don't want to do it.

But to simply be. To simply be present with people. To listen, to talk, to enjoy each other. To listen deeply, not just hear. To be fully present in the moment without the distractions of technology, or stuff, or anything else. That is a rarity.

The Christmas season is perhaps one of the richest seasons to be present... full of Christ, family, conversations, joy, and friendship. But it is also one of the most distracted. Food and preparation, shopping, toys, trinkets, and clothes. New technology, posting updates, staying in touch with people far away. Christ gets lost in the stuff, and family gets lost in the preparations.

The same is true for me as I think of my relationship with the Lord. Some days it seems I allow every other thing to come first. I find I push aside precious moments with Him for yet another Jimmy Fallon clip, an amusing Buzzfeed post, or a magazine. And at the end of the day, I turn off the light and whisper that I didn't have time and I'm too tired, yet scan Facebook for another twenty minutes until my eyelids droop shut to the glow of a blue screen.

As I stand gazing at an empty calendar for 2016, I want it to be different. It takes intentionality to break habits. So presence is my word for 2016.

Presence is two-fold.

Presence with people.
Presence with the Lord.

To Embrace His presence. To Engage with people, not technology.

What would it be like to ask one thing of the Lord: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple. ? (Ps. 27:4)

Really David? Of all the things to ask of the Lord... why that?

How many times do I focus on the Lord's presents, instead of His presence?
How many times do I forfeit moments of peace because I would rather spend my time with distractions, even good ones (see Mary and Martha: Luke 10:38-42).

From the dawn of time to the end of it, the Lord is obsessed with relationship. With presence.

He created man for relationship: between man and woman, mankind and God, and mankind and nature. With the first sin, relationships were marred. And yet, God entered into the world as a baby. To be present. Then to die in order to restore broken relationships between sinful humans and a holy God. To restore all creation, groaning under the weight of sin. To bring hope.

I know that just like there were moments I failed at being brave in 2015, there will be moments (let's face it... lots of them) in 2016 that I will fail at being present. But my delight is in the Lord, and that one day I will dwell in His presence without distractions:

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God himself will be with them as their God'" Rev. 21:3.