Finishing

I am on the last section of my senior project: working on assembling my oral presentation and powerpoint.

Normally things like this energize me, make me excited, and fill me with a sense of accomplishment.

Today, however, I am dragging my feet and struggling to get it done. It's not because I no longer find it interesting. It's not because it's something I don't want to do, or that I feel like I'm being forced to do. In fact, nerd that I am, I have enjoyed this project immensely... the growth I have seen in my students as well as myself has been so encouraging.

None of these things are holding me up. Rather, it's the fact that this is the last big thing I have to do before going to Hungary. Finishing this project implies that I am essentially finished with my student teaching here in Indiana. Of course I will still go to school for a few more weeks... I'll even be teaching a few subjects. However, most of my work will be entirely completed, and my supervising teacher will be reclaiming the class. While it will be nice for my responsibilities to lessen over these next few weeks, it is still very bittersweet.

It's bitter because I love my kids. I love how excited they are to learn from me. I love that they are rough around the edges and that they aren't always easy to love. I love that they have grown so much just in these past few months. No matter where I end up next, Madison and my sixth grade class will always have a part of my heart.

It's bitter because my roommates are so dear to me. It has been such a blessing to live with two other student teachers (and one basically-teacher) who understand the daily stresses, who listen to my crazy sixth grade adventures, and who make me laugh till I cry with their stories of first and third grade.

It's bitter because I haven't spent much time with my family over these months, and now I'm getting ready to leave the country.

It's bitter because I'm leaving everything I know, that I'm comfortable with, that I love, and that I have experienced success with. I'm leaving so many people I love. And I turn to face the wild unknown.

Except it is known.

It's sweet because I get to go live with my Nagyi who I usually only get to see once or twice a year.

It's sweet because I get to live in a huge city, in another country, full of people I have never met... yet people I can understand. A city I know well, with favorite ice cream stops, bus stops, and bakeries. A city of my childhood.

It's sweet because I get to celebrate wandering... exploring... and doing something I never imagined I would be brave enough to do.

It's sweet because I get to teach kids. Totally different than these ones, but kids nonetheless. I get to work with English Language Learners, middle school students, and even high school students.

It's sweet because I get to work with other Christians in a Christian school, and worship with believers from all over the world.

It's sweet because I'm still going home.