I simply love literature. I love studying it and analyzing it. I love exploring what great writers and thinkers of the past had to say about life. I love the metaphors. I love the way the words just roll off of the tongue, float off the page, coming to life. Though my literature course is now over, I am still processing some of the quotes. I'm still working through them, still pondering them. Like this one:
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately ... I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived.” -- Thoreau (in Walden)
When I came to this passage, it literally stopped me in my crazy race of life... always in a rush, always in a hurry just to get to the next thing... not because I really want to be there, not because I have any passion for it... but just because that's what I'm supposed to do.
What would happen if I just learned to say "no" to some things that were draining me... without any cause or reason? What would happen if I really, truly lived my life deliberately...? That every action would have a point to it? If I was truly aware and awake to why I do what I do, instead of going through life just to go through it... just to make it through to the next thing? How would my life be different if I really truly seized every opportunity, rather than cowering and fearing the outcome? What would happen if I actually challenged myself to seize the day? To live life to its fullest? To not waste a single moment, a single day...?
This last 8 week session was honestly ... horrible. Over-committed. Yes, I'm passionate in all that I'm involved with... but after a while, I can't give 100% to everything. And suddenly things began to slip. Not completely out of control, but starting to spiral down. And the first thing was my own well-being... crazy stressed is no way to "suck the marrow out of life..." to "carpe diem..." to "live deliberately."
It's in these insane times that I get the crazy urge to skip class. And *gasp* I do. And I sit on my blanket in the sun and just journal or read, or pray. Deliberately. Because I figured that would do me more good than going to class. Not by any means a regular urge that I allow myself to give in to, but one that sometimes is necessary.
This next 8 week session is already so much better. Learning to say "no." Learning to grasp what really matters, and what really doesn't. Learning that I can't do everything. I can't be everyone's hero. But I can live life deliberately. I can take some risks. I can step out of whatever stereotypes and boxes I have allowed others to put me in, or have put myself in. And live life joyfully.
Life at times can be hard when we become pulled and stretched. I know that feeling. Remember what is important to God, you, and who you want to be, and you will be fine. If it was me, I would take those moments, when you want to gasp, and breath deep. Admire what is around you, count your blessings, and hold those you love close.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouragement to live a God focused life,
Anonymous
"Talán jobb is ez így, hogy nincs elég szavam rá,
ReplyDeleteS annak, mit érzek, csak tört részét mondhatom el,
Mert egyszercsak ott állnék meztelen szívvel,
Azokkal szemben, kik álruhát öltöttek fel.
Mégis irigyen tisztelek költőt és festőt,
Ki helyettem mutatja meg,
Hogy mi lakik mélyen a szívemben.
Néha magam sem tudom, hogy dadogni könnyebb,
Vagy titkolni kényelmesebb
Hogy mi lakik mélyen a szívemben.
Mert ha ki tudnám mondani, és szavam is van rá,
Nem egyszer szürkén és okosan hallgatom el
Hiszen beszélni tanulva tanulunk csendet.
S azt is, hogy van, mikor hallgatni, hazudni kell."
Ez a (szamomra regen kedves) dalszoveg leirja azt az ambivalens erzest, amirol beszelsz...
Majd eleneklem! ;-)