De-Stuffifying

My room is a mess. For days on end I have sat in piles of stuff from every season of life. I never realized how much stuff I've acquired in these (almost) 20 years. Elementary school has left its mark: all my precious trinkets including a giant wad of key chains, funky hairpieces, whistles, bouncy balls, a basket of beanie babies, worn and loved stuffed animals, and some goofy journals filled with worries about who won the math game, who sat in the front during story time (for real!), and who my favorite stuffed animal was that day. Middle school notes passed between classes with amusing sketches of teachers, secret code names, poems, and crushes. High school awards, college mail, more notes, endless ruined school supplies... And then college. Teaching materials, new worlds of knowledge, scholarship applications, portfolios of activities, projects that took hours. Saving everything for that elusive "one day" when children will get to enjoy the years of stuff piled up... read old favorites of mine, pour over stuff (others might deem useless) with new wonder. So. What can I get rid of? If everything might be needed at some point. The dilemma continues.

I feel like my life is similar.... if I only took once a year to de-stuffify, I would be a complete mess (kinda like my closet floor...) At the time, no junk actually seems to be junk. It seems valuable, useful, or there's clearly some reason that I'm keeping it. But years down the road... suddenly those precious treasures are no more than useless clutter that fill my life. When the time comes to give it away though, I'm strangely attached. Strangely attached to the useless slinky, the faded fleece sweatshirt, the brown stuffed horse. Even if I've completely outgrown it, the fact that it's been in my room -- in my life -- for so long makes me attached to it. I can't part with it. I keep rearranging my "give-away" pile until there's practically nothing left... and so it is with the behaviors, the tendencies, the habits in my life that I know are not useful, helpful, or even good. The things I know are keeping me from growing. Inhibiting my relationships... with God and with others. But for some reason when I evaluate where I am... I'm attached. I don't want to change things. I don't want to get rid of things. I want them there because they've always been there. Because I suddenly realize that they have a place in my heart. I've allowed them in, and I can no longer imagine life without them. But this clutter, this junk, is filling up my life... keeping me from things that will be good for me. Now and in the long-run.

May I not hold so tightly to the junk in my life, so as to take up all the spaces that might be filled with treasures instead.