Refreshing Anonymity

I like small. I like small circles of friends that I can share close things with.  I like small classes where more can be discussed in a shorter period. I like small date tables in alpha dining. I like small campuses where I recognize every face I see. I like small churches where I can worship with people I know and love. I like small towns where I know a trip to the grocery store will lead me to "bump into" at least two or three familiar faces...

But strangely enough, there comes a point where I feel like I'm bursting at the seams. I feel like a goldfish that's just been dumped into a tiny fish bowl from the giant tank at Meijer's... hitting the glass at every turn. Even though this is normal, it somehow still feels abruptly shocking. I feel like the world is so huge, and that I'm only exploring a small, tiny, miniscule corner of the earth... making little impacts, hardly affecting anyone. My insides scream for BIG.

I want big where I can wander for miles and see no one. I want big where even in a crowd no one is familiar.  I want big languages, cultures, music, dance. I want noise and sirens and buses and subways. I want wilderness. The empty vastness of nature, that somehow is so full. I want the endless sky, the countless stars, the shimmering sea.

I'm getting my BIG right now. and it is so satisfying. Walking on the streets of the capital city of Hungary, boarding the subway, the bus, or the tram.... it's so satisfying to not be recognized. It's a breath of fresh air. Not because I'm doing anything wrong that I don't want to be caught in... but just to be free from all the stereotypes of who I am. To be free from everyone knowing who I am, the type of person I am, what I like, what my major is, who my friends are....

Even though I will most likely never see these people again, some faces stick in my mind. I remember their voices, their eyes, what they're wearing. years after I have seen them... withered faces lined with the dust of the street as they begged, laughed, talked. Not because it's anything especially crazy or worth noticing, but just because I love people-watching, and some people lay imprinted in my mind for some reason. I always wonder... do I leave any impression like so many people have for me?  Do I imprint anyone's mind like that? I don't know why I would.... but in a way, I hope I do. I hope wherever I go I'm able to leave the world a little brighter... even if it is by just a small smile, a laugh, a friendly face when everyone else turns away...

Even though I know that in a few weeks this anonymity will drive me crazy, I'm glad to be where I am. It's refreshing.