Anniversaries

I am someone who loves to look back on the past. I have kept a journal since fifth grade, and I love looking back on various parts of my life. I like to see where I've been, what I've felt, and how God has been faithful. Without processing the past, I feel like I can't move forward. I can't grow without first dealing with the beginnings... whether they are fun and wonderful, or painful and horrible.

The past few days have marked two very key anniversaries in my life. Today, May 2, marks the anniversary of the death of one of my classmates and friends, Cooper Young, and his younger sister, Makenzie Young. 11 years ago today, chaos struck my elementary school as we wrestled with the shock of death... as much as our 3rd grade minds could understand. It was my first experience where I saw how messed up this world is... how shatteringly painful... how it can wrench the heart in two. It's interesting: even though this occurred 11 years ago, it's still so fresh. Even though I've been through the cycles of grieving, it still somehow surfaces. And with each anniversary, I still find myself in the mind of my third grade self... wondering about death. Wondering what it's like to die. Wondering about Heaven. Wondering about Hell. Terrified of what happened, reliving how surreal it seemed... Some years when May 2 rolls around, I stop and think for maybe five minutes... remember a Cooper grin and move on. And other years, like this year, I find myself stuck in the past for the whole day. I find myself unable to turn off that part of my mind. I find myself in piles of homework, textbooks, and finals... yet still completely incapable of focusing. So I've given up for the night, and I've decided to just let my heart go where it will tonight... instead of forcing it into the world of elementary education and history. Ironically, I am dealing with both... though not in the way that my professors might prefer.

The second anniversary I celebrated on April 30... marking my twelfth year of walking with the Lord... in being in a personal relationship with Him. When I think of all He has taken me through... I am blown away by His faithfulness. When others face tragedy, they are shackled down in fear. And even though fear is a real emotion, I have a Savior that overcame death. I have nothing to fear. One day He will make a new Heaven, and a new Earth. And there will be no more crying. No more death. No more pain. No more fear.