Guilt, Trust, and Sabbath

Her voice is like an endless dripping on a rainy day.

She corners me with her never-ending to-do lists.

Her disapproving look hovers over my every day.

Guilt has become my constant companion, continually showing me my failures even as I work to accomplish all that is required of me.

I try to keep her quiet, but there is always just one more thing left unfinished, one more squandered minute, one more relationship marred by my impatience or frustration. Her whispers remind me that I've failed yet again.

Her ultimate goal is to cause me to take my eyes off the One in whom I find my worth, and to place my hope and trust in myself: in my accomplishments, relationships, and the checkmarks next to completed tasks in my planner.

And most days it seems to be working. Cue more guilt.

But then a quiet moment with Jesus, open windows on a gorgeous day, gentle music summoning my soul to rest. A delicious, well-written book (The Rest of God) from a friend who knows my tendency to resist Sabbath.

An image of a strong, unshakeable tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream: it does not fear when heat comes for its leaves remain green, it is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit. This is the image of one who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord (Jer. 17:7-8).

My recurring temptation is to trust myself. To trust who I am, who I've been, and what I am capable of. But without placing my trust in God, I will be sapped of strength. I will wither, and my hope, peace, and joy will give way to fear, anxiety, and disappointment.

I have been so task-oriented that I have failed to rest. I have failed to Sabbath. I have convinced myself of not having time to rest. It seems illogical to take the limited time I have and to use it to Sabbath: to do non-wedding, non-apartment, non-school related things.

And yet in failing to Sabbath, I have uprooted myself. I have allowed fear to poison me and turn my leaves brown with anxiety and worry. Though drought hits, I don't drink deeply from the River of Life, that is abundant to all who thirst. Instead, I have forsaken the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for myself: broken cisterns that can hold no water (Jer. 2:13) and that can never satisfy.

But today I'm choosing to trust. And choosing to trust means to choose Sabbath.

To trust that Creator God can keep my world spinning while I take time to connect with Him. To do the most fruitful thing I can for the day, and connect with the heart of Jesus.

To choose Sabbath is to choose freedom.

Freedom from the taskmasters.

Freedom from Guilt.

May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  -Romans 15:13.