Laughing at the days to come

The moments that paralyze me in laughter are simply the best. A chorus of laughter... each with different voices that blends into itself... to produce more laughter. The moments when laughter itself leads to more laughter. The silent shaking, the loud guffaw, the chortle, the giggle, the snort, the squeak, the neigh. Laughing is my favorite. Laughing with others is even better.

For years now, I have tried to find humor in everything. Even when things around me hurt, when I hurt, and when this world seems nothing more than a decaying, dying place... I laugh. Sometimes it is bitter, derisive laughter. But usually the irony gets to me... and when there is nothing else left to do... I find the humor. I laugh. And it feels better.

Perhaps it started the day I fell through the chair at the doctor's office... pain mixed with the hilarity of skinned legs high in the air when the doctor walked in. Or maybe slowly watching someone who I loved waste away.... daily mourning was just too exhausting. It was easier to laugh. To celebrate each day we had.

I realize this behavior of mine may come off as offensive. People see laughter, associate it with happiness, then become frustrated with my insensitivity. But frankly, laughter for me is a coping mechanism. It's what I do when I'm thrilled, excited, sad, nervous, lonely, elated, or even heartbroken. For me, the most serious conversations must be peppered with humor, otherwise I am guaranteed to break down and cry... The salt of tears mixed with a quiet laugh are not uncommon.

I am learning joy... not just the appearance of joy. But true joy that starts somewhere deep in my gut and bubbles through me. It starts with putting my Lord first. Others second. Myself last. And even though difficulties come, the laughter is genuine... not forced... less of a coping mechanism. Tears may stream, but joy still warms within.

So many unknowns have been plaguing my mind... and I tend to get caught up in it all. I want to plan everything. I want to know what this next year looks like; I want to have my future all sorted out. These thoughts often sap my joy from within. I forget laughter. These problems seem too big. The unknowns loom too dark.

And then I read "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." (Prov 31:25)

I ponder that. Long and hard. How can I possibly laugh at the days to come? 

If I learn to celebrate the here and now. If I learn to trust the One who sees it all. Then I can celebrate the future because I know it is in good hands.

Laugh with me!