Keeping My Mouth Shut

I like to talk.

Most people who first meet me find that to be a ridiculous assertion, since I am shy and prefer to let others carry the conversation. But once I feel comfortable, I talk. Lots.

I've spent most of my life talking. Sharing my thoughts. My experiences. My "insight." I like to tell my stories. To make people laugh. I always have thoughts to share in class... even when I've already volunteered one hundred times. I have no qualms about sharing.

Perhaps the greatest restriction I feel is when I'm with someone who also loves to talk. I feel like I must let them talk, but at the same time... I'm perpetually plotting how to insert my own thoughts. The more I sit in expectant silence trying to find the perfect moment to jump in, the more tense I feel. Until after a while I give up altogether... and find myself just getting annoyed with the other person, rather than truly listening to what they have to say. 

And yet, there is great wisdom in silence... in being so wrapped up in listening to others that I cannot talk because I have forgotten what I was going to say. In listening (not just hearing) other people's stories. To sit with them in silence when they are hurting... rather than being quick to offer my verbal "band-aids" that might only temporarily fix (or just cover up) their problems.

I am learning to listen, not just hear. And it's amazing how much I've been missing. In my eagerness to insert my thoughts, perceptions, and "wisdom," I often ignore the one who really needs to be heard, understood.

I am learning to ask questions. Not just ramble about myself. I am learning to try to dig deeper into why people say what they do. I am convinced every person has a reason for sharing what they choose to share... whether it is the inmost truth, or the shallow cover-up for what's beneath it. This doesn't mean I try to analyze every spoken word... no. But at least to understand people a little better. Rather than thinking about how to change the subject back to myself, or my familiar stomping grounds I have been trying to find questions to ask people about themselves. It's a challenge. A discipline. But I'm trying :)