Picking up where we left off

Four years ago, this was all I knew. These were my very best friends. We did everything together. When one of us was absent from school for just one day, it seemed like the hours dragged on forever... there was an empty gap at our lockers, one person's voice missing from our chorus of laughter. At graduation as we stood hugging each other, we couldn't imagine making other friends, moving on, moving away from each other, going for a whole month without seeing each other. While we were excited for what was to come, we were quite sure we'd never really make new friends that could in any way replace these ones.

But we did part ways, and soon what seemed inseparable was now separated. Being seen without my best friend at my side was strange; being swarmed by a sea of new faces, all who were strangers was terrifying. But as the months at school wore on, the mandatory daily "life" updates dwindled as we started to make new friends, get wrapped up in new extracurriculars, and juggle new classes... lives completely separate, and only as close as we made them to be.

The first few "reunions" after long months apart were strange... only because college felt like a dream, and while these now "old" friends seemed to still fit, I didn't exactly know where to place them with regard to my new friends. Everything just seemed so jumbled and confused and overwhelming.

Over time I've had to work through the fact that I play two entirely different roles in my two groups of friends. At school it seems like I'm somehow the loud one, or the one always talking, or the one whose room always has people in it. At home, I'm far more introverted, and far more reserved. I'm the one who is the perpetual laugher but rarely the story-teller... the one who watches the hustle and bustle around her, quietly amused, but rarely is the one creating it. Somehow, though, I feel at home in both positions, I just have to get used to being in a different place. And that's always a challenge.

The balance is still difficult, and sometimes it is a shock to have to entirely switch roles. But once I've finally adjusted, I suddenly find that even though we've been apart, even though we've taken different paths, even though we've grown up a lot, even though we go months without seeing each other... we can still pick up where we left off. We can still talk for hours about everything random... laugh about "awkward" situations, and have mature conversations. There's still the one that belts songs on top of her lungs, gives high fives and is incredibly generous. There's still the one that can't make me stop laughing. There's still the one who tells the best stories. There's still the short cute one that makes the party happen. There's still the one you can take ridiculous pictures with, talk for hours with, and just simply feel at home with.

Yes, we've grown up. Yes, we've begun to experience things without being glued to each other. We do have our times for hellos and our times for good-byes. But this time, the hellos are all the more joyous, and the good-byes are all the less life-shattering.